


Hakanai Jounetsu no Kage Wasuretaku wa nai (I don't want to forget the shadow of a fleeting passion)

by vogue91



Category: Arashi (Band), Johnny's Entertainment
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, M/M, Oral Sex, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-10
Updated: 2018-04-10
Packaged: 2019-04-21 01:58:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,865
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14274447
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vogue91/pseuds/vogue91
Summary: And so he took the usual path, because at times like these he always went to him, he sought comfort in him, he asked of him for those nights of sex and silence, because Ohno didn’t want to talk about what he felt, he didn’t want to show its weakness when it came to Nino.And, he was pretty sure of that, Jun didn’t want to hear it.





	Hakanai Jounetsu no Kage Wasuretaku wa nai (I don't want to forget the shadow of a fleeting passion)

Ohno was irritated.

Tired, sad. It had reached his limit.

_“I’m seeing Nozomi tonight, Oh-chan. I’m sorry.”_

On the phone with Nino, hearing those words, Ohno felt like he couldn’t breathe.

He wasn’t new to the sensation; it had happened too many times that the younger couldn’t see him because he was busy with his new toy. And punctually Satoshi told him it didn’t matter, that they would’ve seen each other at work the next day, when he would’ve had Nino all for himself.

But he never was, not completely, and Ohno was aware of that.

He couldn’t belong to him, because he dated her too. And if it hadn’t been Sasaki, it would’ve been some other girl.

He couldn’t belong to him, because he fucked him and nothing more.

He had gotten out, almost instinctively. He didn’t really have anywhere to go, he just knew he didn’t want to be home pondering about the sick relationship they had had for years now.

_“I’m seeing Nozomi tonight.”_

It wasn’t this great deal; he would’ve seen her, of course. Then he would’ve fucked her, something quick if he wouldn’t have felt particularly inclined toward foreplay. If he didn’t want to pretend that what he was doing meant something, and wasn’t just a mere animal instinct.

And then she would’ve gone back home and he would’ve done the same, playing some videogame and such.

Ohno was disgusted.

It happened like that with him as well, after all.

Nino called, and he picked up, always. Then he went to his apartment and it was always the same script.

Sometimes he stayed there, he sat in a corner of the couch and watched him play, intent. Sometime he went to sleep. Others, instead, he went back home too, because it was too pitiful to stay there.

He felt like he was about to burst.

He needed to be with someone, he needed not to feel so damn alone.

And so he took the usual path, because at times like these he always went to him, he sought comfort in him, he asked of him for those nights of sex and silence, because Ohno didn’t want to talk about what he felt, he didn’t want to show its weakness when it came to Nino.

And, he was pretty sure of that, Jun didn’t want to hear it.

He took a cab, and got down in front of the younger’s building. He stayed still in front of his door for a few minutes, staring at it, and he couldn’t decide to ring the bell.

What was he doing differently than Nino?

He went to Jun whenever he wanted, he looked for the same things Nino looked for with him, and then he left, no regrets and no thinking that what he was doing was in any way wrong.

And he was there once again, in front of that door, aware of the fact that he was going to ring the bell, he would’ve gone in and what happened every time was going to happen, no chance to get out of the circle.

He rang, aware that there was no point in waiting, and it took Jun less than a minute to come to the door.

He wore slacks and a t-shirt, his hair were damp, he had likely just gotten out of the shower, and his face looked surprised.

He looked at Ohno for a few seconds, before forcing a smile.

“Riida! Come on in, I... I wasn’t waiting for you.” he said, moving away to let him in.

Ohno got inside, taking a deep breath.

There was something about that place that made him feel safe, somehow.

Protected, as if he had nothing waiting for him outside those walls, as if he was entering a parallel dimension. One where the thought of Nino and what he was doing couldn’t come to persecute him.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to bother you. I went out and I didn’t really know where to go, so...” _So I came here, because you’re the only one who always welcomes me with open arms._ He kept this last thought to himself, but Jun knew that anyway. He shook his head, bringing an arm around his shoulders.

“Don’t worry, you’re not bothering me. I wasn’t doing anything, it was good that you came.” he reassured him, while the smile on his face grew faker.

The elder sat down on the couch, and the other went to the kitchen.

“Would you like something to drink?” he asked, and Ohno heard the fridge opening.

“Beer, please.” he replied, biting down on his lip.

They both knew how this was going down. Alcohol, no matter how little of it, could only help the circumstance.

Matsumoto came back with two beers, he handed one to Ohno and sat down next to him.

They sipped in silence for a few minutes; the elder stared into space, Jun watched him, as waiting for him to make the first move.

Which happened right after: Ohno put the beer on the coffee table in front of him and leant over toward Jun, kneeling on the couch. He brought a hand behind his head, holding tight, and kissed him. Hungrily.

Matsumoto let Satoshi kiss him for a while, before pushing him away, frowning and with his breath heavy.

“Ohno-kun... why are you here?” he asked, suddenly lowering his eyes.

Ohno looked at him surprised for a few seconds, then got back closer, slowly, as if he was afraid of getting rejected.

“I...” he said, but stopped right away. What was he supposed to say? That he wanted to fuck him? That he wanted to get Nino off him mind? That he didn’t want to be alone?

Jun got him out of trouble; he slightly pulled away, raising an eyebrow.

“Where’s Nino tonight?” he asked, accusatory.

And it was Ohno’s turn to lower his eyes.

He knew him too well, and he wasn’t good enough to lie to him so deliberately. Nor he wanted to.

“He was seeing Sasaki.” he murmured, shivering from the rage that came to him in pronouncing her name.

Jun shook his head, getting up. He turned his back on him, so that he wasn’t forced to look at him.

“You should stop looking for me only when Nino’s with her.” he said, and Ohno heard the bitterness in his voice loud and clear.

He stood up too, getting closer and wrapping his arms around his waist, resting his chin on his shoulder.

“And you should stop being so easy to find.” he whispered in his ear, in the vague attempt of being alluring, to bring the atmosphere back on a terrain that he knew. He felt Jun shiver and breathing faster. “Tell me you don’t want to. Ask me to go. Tell me you want nothing to do with me.” he said, as challenging him.

“It’s impossible, you know that.” he replied, and when he turned Ohno saw the sadness in his eyes; but he chose not to care, as selfish as that was.

Jun started kissing him again, with the same rush the other had had before.

He pushed him back, bringing his hand under his shirt, brushing slowly before both of their clothing started to fall on the floor.

He parted briefly, just the time necessary to reach the bedroom, then he kissed him again before pushing him on the bed.

He kept still, staring at him, and Ohno couldn’t decipher that look at all. 

There was bitterness, and there was lust. There was resignation. Whatever his eyes said, Ohno knew he wanted him, now, in that bed, before any unpleasant thought could come to ruin his mood.

Before he could think about Nino. Before he could think about how much he was hurting Jun, how much he was making him feel used.

He sat up, pulling his hips until the younger fell on top of him.

They stared at each other for a moment, and then Ohno’s mouth was back on him.

Matsumoto touched him, almost involuntarily lascivious, his hands on the elder’s chest, making him shiver, going down on his hips, his navel, his groin. Ohno lost himself in that touch, full of expectations.

He held his breath, letting go just when the younger started undoing the zip to his trousers, pulling them down enough to brush on his leg, deliberately avoiding his cock; Ohno raised his eyes, groaning, and saw him smiling.

It didn’t take long for Jun to give in, bringing his fingertips under Satoshi’s briefs, teasing him for a while longer before pulling those down as well, taking them off alongside his trousers.

Ohno made a satisfied sound when he finally nothing was constraining him anymore; he held Jun’s shoulder, arching his back asking for more.

Jun shook his head, almost indignant.

“You’re shameless.” he scolded him, clenching his teeth. The elder, under him, moaned.

“I know. I don’t give a fuck. Jun, touch me. Now.” he demanded.

The other snorted, but granted his wish; the hand that was lingering on his thigh started moving, until it came to his cock. He stroked him slow, methodically, while he couldn’t tear his eyes off of Ohno.

He was moaning, biting his lips and wriggling, as if it was a torture; he thrust his hips, meeting Matsumoto’s hand, asking him to move faster.

When Jun had had enough he started kissing his neck, without lingering too much on it, then started with his tongue the same path his hand had traced, until his mouth was close to Ohno’s cock; _too_ close, and the elder’s breath fastened.

He started licking it, almost tender, while his hand kept moving. He relished the other’s moans, which became louder when he wrapped his lips around the tip, moving his tongue on the slit.

Ohno was slowly losing his mind.

This was what he wanted, what he knew Jun could give to him. Oblivion, emptiness. The feeling of getting out of reality, where the only things he could feel were his tongue and his hands, his breath against his skin, feeding his arousal, and those noises in the back of his throat, vibrating right against his cock, making him feel walking the edge too soon.

He grabbed Jun’s head, tightening his hand through his hair, pushing; perhaps hurting him, but right now it was the last thing he cared about, nor the other seemed to mind.

Ohno was almost there. It would’ve taken just for his tongue to brush him one more time, or feel him suck around his cock, and he would’ve come.

The hold on his hair became tighter, and Jun chose that moment to let him go, sitting up abruptly.

The one coming out of Ohno sounder more like a scream than a groan.

“Matsujun... he complained, raising his hand to look at him.

The younger smiled.

“There’s a time for everything, Satoshi.” he murmured, and lasciviousness was deliberate now.

He stood up, reaching the nightstand. He threw a glance at Ohno, seeing that the elder’s hand had gone to his erection and that he had started stroking himself.

“Don’t force me to tie you up.” he said, harsh, and it was enough for Ohno to stop.

He went back on the bed, lube in his hands. He looked at Ohno, then laid back on top of him, letting him feel his cock against his hip, and feeling his as well.

Satoshi moaned yet another time, almost exasperated; Jun smiled, but didn’t look amused.

“Tell me what you want.” he murmured, while a finger sneak between Ohno’s legs, teasing his opening.

The elder spasmed and bit down on his lip, rolling his head back and closing his eyes.

“Jun...” he murmured, his voice broken, and the other slipped the finger inside, while he got closer to his throat, biting down, hoping it was going to leave a mark.

“Tell me what you want.” he repeated then, spelling clearly, while his fingers became two and then, too fast, three.

Ohno felt them so good inside, he couldn’t even _think_ about saying something.

He tried to recover his breath, in vain; then he grabbed his neck, pulling him closer.

“Fuck me.” he just said.

He thought he was going to see some satisfaction on Jun’s face, but the other didn’t seem to be touched by it.

He settled himself better on him, bringing one of Ohno’s legs around his hip and thrusting inside, hard.

He closed his eyes briefly, relishing that feeling and giving the other the time necessary to get adjusted; then he started thrusting, fast, using all the strength he had in his body, as if his final goal was hurting him, and not coming.

On his part, Ohno got used to it quickly, moving his hips alongside Jun’s, bringing his hands behind his back, clawing at it every time he felt him reaching deeper.

The younger slowed down for a moment, bringing a hand between the two of them and back on his cock, then he went back to the same pace and pushed in harder.

It didn’t take Ohno long to come, spilling over Jun’s hand, who barely seemed to notice it; he propped himself up on both his arms and thrusted deeper, more brutal, and then finally stilled and came inside of him, chocking down a moan.

He took a moment to recover, then slipped out and laid next to him, bringing an arm under his head and keeping his eyes closed.

Ohno hadn’t moved nor he had covered himself; the only thing he did was reaching out with his hand toward Jun, caressing his hip; he was surprised when the younger pushed it away, harshly.

“What is it, Jun?” he asked, frowning.

Matsumoto sighed, then turned to look at him.

“Take your things and leave.” he said, cold.

Ohno sat up, still staring at him.

“Jun...” he murmured, confused, and suddenly agitated by the situation.

“You’ve got what you wanted, right? You’ve used me, we’re done, and there’s no further reason for you to be here, is there?” Matsumoto sat up too, no sadness or frustration in his eyes. _Nothing_ in them, actually.

“It’s not like that, Jun. I didn’t use you, I... it’s not the first time it happens, is it? We both know that…” Ohno said, having trouble talking.

“What is it that we know, Satoshi? That there’s nothing between us? That you can come here whenever you feel like, getting screwed and then the day after pretend that nothing has happened?” he spit his words, angry. “Perhaps you’re fine with being Nino’s whore, but I’m tired of being yours.” he said then, lowering his eyes.

Ohno felt some sort of emptiness inside, hearing those words.

They hurt, more than he could’ve imagined.

He was trying to reply, to tell him he was wrong, but deep down knew he couldn’t.

Because he truly was Nino’s whore, because he was always ready when he called, because he never refused him, because he had never said how he felt about him.

Because he had never told him he loved him, and while he looked Jun he suddenly felt the weight of what he had done.

He was never going to wish him to become like him, to put himself in another person’s hand just because of a love that had no reason to be, not until it stayed untold.

And Jun knew. He knew that Ohno loved Nino, that he was never going to love him, not even if he had tired, which he wasn’t willing to do to begin with.

He slowly got up from the bed, picking up his briefs and trousers and getting dressed.

He was on the doorstep now, and looked at Jun one last time.

“I’m sorry.” he said, but didn’t receive an answer.

He went to the living room, retrieving his t-shirt, and he heard the door to the bedroom been violently slammed.

When he finally got out, he allowed himself a deep breath.

He started walking to clear his mind, but he kept thinking and thinking about too many things to hope to put an order to them.

He thought once again about Jun’s words and what they implied, to the look in his eyes, and told himself that it would’ve been the same look as his if one of those nights he would’ve asked Nino to leave him alone, to never come back again.

If he would’ve finally grown tired of that situation.

And Ohno was tired.

But he wasn’t ready to finish it, not yet.

He almost envied Jun for being able to tell him how things were, for having had some form of pride that hadn’t allowed him to be a backup plan anymore.

He kept walking, hoping he was never going to come home.

Because he was never going to have that courage.

Because next night, or the one after that, Nino was going to call.

He wished he could’ve said he was going to reject him, but he knew that he would’ve run to him, as usual.

Even sacrificing what little dignity he had left, he would’ve always kept running toward Nino.

 


End file.
